Life After Lockdown

One of the questions I see a lot of is 'What's the first thing you're going to do when the lockdown is lifted?' and I am honestly not sure.

The problem with being told to stay away from people, isolate yourself, wear a facemask when outside and do all your shopping online is that after a year of such behaviour it becomes habitual. The loss of high street stores will further encourage reliance on online shopping. Perhaps the era of big brand stores is over. 

I have small(ish) children, one of whom is on the spectrum, so going out - as a grown-up - hasn't been part of my life for about eight years now. To the point where I find the whole concept of 'going out' a huge mental chore. And don't get me started on my reluctance to socialise with large groups of people *shudders*. This behaviour has been encouraged due to lockdown and for a naturally unsociable person, the thought of actual socialising is not a fond one. 

Don't get me wrong, I do miss my friends and I look forward to the day when I can sit in their kitchen or they can come and sit in mine and we'll drink tea and put the world to rights. They also have small(ish) children but they do a much better job on the socialising front than I do. 

And I do miss sitting in a coffee shop, either by myself ignoring the people around me and soaking up the 'nuss' in order to write several thousand words OR having actual coffee and cake with another person who is not my husband or my child. 

Then of course, there's visiting family. The guilt at not having seen family is near crippling. Like most people, I'm sure, there have been huge upheavals in the lives of my nearest and dearest and I've missed all of it. I have two nephews and a niece to meet. I have parental ill health to try and support. 

But what will be the topic of conversation. How have you been? Rubbish, I've been lockdowned for a year and done nothing except pull out my hair at homeschool and shout at my kids, igniting a massive guilt cycle that first caused me to gain weight and then lose weight. What have you been up to? Nothing, I've been lockdowned with two children (three if you count hubster) and I haven't learnt a new skill or mastered sourdough or written seven books or learnt another language or even done the three puzzles that are languishing on the top of my bookcase. I didn't even do any DIY and I stopped making cakes months ago. Any news? No, I haven't got any bloody news - I've been lockdowned!

I think the worst thing of all is the fact that after lockdown lifts, my life will barely change and it is that deep, dark hole that I fear the most. 

Claire Buss is a multi-genre author and poet, completely addicted to cake. Find out more about her books on her website clairebuss.co.uk. Join the discussion in her Facebook group Buss's Book Stop.