Friday 31 December 2010

New Beginnings - Old Endings

Isn't it funny that it takes an arbitrary measure of time to make us look back on what was and what is to come - after all time is a concept we have created to make us feel better about the passing of age.

So lets appraise 2010 - I was flicking through a glossy magazine today and I recognised perhaps 1/5th of the 'stars' of 2010.  I guess this means I am out of touch or perhaps the mediocrity of celebrity really has had its day.  For me personally, as I am sure for many of you, it was a year of love and of loss, of smiles and of frowns, of laughter, tears, promises made, promises broken and the usual emotional rollercoaster of life that flings us from pillar to post. 

I look back and I cannot believe that another year has flown by - that all these things have happened and that all the things I wanted to happen haven't even begun yet!  Where is that list of things that I wanted to do?  Lost under the debris of the past year I guess.  Still it can be dusted off and incorporated into this year's massive list of 'things to do'.  Perhaps the list should just be dispensed with.  But then there would be nothing to pin to the front of the fridge and tick off in multi-coloured pens with great joy as each and every item is achieved - hah!  Methinks this new year's resolution should be .... be more realistic with what you can achieve!

However sometimes it is the reach that drives us, the sparkle just out the corner of our eye that makes us stretch for more.  And we should all reach for that sparkle - everyone of us deserves that and so much more.  2011 is a new year, a fresh start, a new beginning - or perhaps a continuation of the old.  Let us not forget what we have achieved so far in our lives, be they long or short.  Whilst it is good to look to the future and good to contemplate the past do not forget to live in the now.  Cherish the moment.  Laugh.  Love.  Smile.  Hug the one next to you for no reason at all then the utter joy of life itself.

Wishing you a happy day x 

Friday 24 December 2010

Pain at Christmas

Seeing a fellow human being in pain has got to be the hardest thing in the world to deal with, especially when you have to sit and endure and can offer no comfort or ease their suffering in any way.

Pain comes to us at Christmas under lots of different guises.  It can be the obvious pain of a missed loved one - the pain of not being the favoured sibling - the pain of being on your own again - the pain of having lost that Christmas feeling and looking in all the nooks and crannies for a little piece of joy.  Christmas as a child is such a magical place, everything is driven to keep the dream of Santa alive for as many children as possible for as long as possible.  And if the Christmas magic is alive and well in your heart then that feeling stays with you and Santa really does visit you on Christmas Eve.  It seems the older we get, the harder it is to hold onto that piece of Christmas magic.  The more pitfalls life leads us through, the harder it becomes to feel joy to the world.

Life can seem very unfair at times.  How does Christmas carry on regardless - doesn't Santa know that all I want for Christmas this year is.....the impossible.  In a way, I am glad that I am not an excited child that my parents have to fake their Christmas spirit with, I am glad that presents can be left unwrapped for a day or two and that the turkey doesn't have to be roasted anytime soon.  I just need to find my Christmas magic - I know I had it, I think it got a little bit lost along the way and I hope that the pain will make room when the time comes.  For once his pain has gone then there is a little less this Christmas.

Love the ones closest to you, hug them and show them how much care this Christmas - it is the best present anyone can ever wish for.

Wednesday 22 December 2010

Losing a loved one

When you spoke I listened, when you smiled I smiled, when you showed me the way I followed your guidance.  But now you are silent and there is nothing to say.

The light has left the room, reason escaped through the window, even you whisper why in your delirium as the world comes to an end.  Never again will you say your words, the ones that make you who you are - never again will you tell me what you think about my life - never again will you smile your mischievous smile and give me an extra roast potato.

They say that we cry for ourselves but these tears are for you as well, as you loose yourself in death and we are left behind trying to make sense of what is happening and trying to imagine what life will be like without you.  I can't breathe, I can't accept it, I don't want it to happen - please don't leave me, I'm not ready to loose you.  I, I, I, I, me, me, me but what about you?  You are the one who is fading, who is leaving, what about you?  Are you scared?  Let me hold your hand.  Let me talk to you about everything that was and things that will be.  Know that you will never be forgotten, we will never let go of you completely. 

Be brave.

I miss you.

I will see you again.

Saturday 18 December 2010

Fun at the fair

I love the fair - anyone who knows me knows how much I LOVE the funfair.  I even love it more than theme parks and they are pretty cool.  I love the fact that it is always, always freezing cold when you go to the fair.  And there is always someone selling candy floss - how pointless is candy floss?  But its great when you get it from the fair.

I love the way all the lights make the funfair shine in the darkness and how you can see everything sparkling below when you ride the big wheel.  I love the rides that shoot you up into the air and drop you back down leaving you gasping for more.  I love the rides that spin you round and round and make your tummy do that flip flop feeling.  I love the dodgem cars, weaving in and out, trying hard not to crash into strangers whilst seeking out the person you came with to deliberately bump them and getting caught up in the middle of a bumper car sandwich.

There may be nothing finer than becoming a kid again for a magical few hours and just enjoying excitement coursing through you and that big, big, big smile on your face as the fairground lights reflect in your shining eyes.  It's one of the best moments in life.  And when you can share that wonderment and excitement with someone else then you just know you are going to get all the fun at the fair.

Wednesday 15 December 2010

Tingling at the Unknown

Don't you find it exciting to be faced with the unknown?  Yes it can be scary and make you wish you had that really big sofa to hide behind but quite often I find myself feeling rather tingly at the unknown.

When things aren't going well and all you want is just for something to go your way, suddenly there is a little ray of light, a little spark of an idea that maybe everything is going to be alright, the merest glint that perhaps what comes next is better than what has been before.  You being to tingle at the unknown.

Sometimes that tingle can be at the thought of meeting someone for the first time.  Sometimes that tingle can be at the thought of being somewhere for the first time.  Sometimes that tingle can be at the thought of doing something for the first time.  Tingles tend to be first timers.  If you mange to get tingles after that then you know, without a doubt, that you are onto a good thing.  Tingling at the unknown sure beats worrying about it although nerves can heighten those tingles with each beat of the butterfly wing.

I say embrace the tingle - it even makes me feel tingly saying it!  Who knows what is round the corner?  And how boring would life be if we did know what was round the corner?  Lets embrace our tingly sides and sparkle with excitement at what may be - after all you never know!

Tuesday 14 December 2010

Upsetting the apple cart

I always manage it.  If anyone can do it it's me.  If there is a foot in mouth scenario, look no further - I am your girl.

I just seem to have this uncanny ability to upset the apple cart, get under the skin, find the one thing that will annoy you beyond all capacity for reason and that's when I start to push my luck.  It's a genetic skill - apparently I can thank my father for that one.  I really don't know how I do it and I am always mortified when I realise that the cause of your upset is me but in my defence... you shouldn't be so bloody touchy!!

We all have issues, we all attribute differing levels of importance to different aspects of our lives and we all get annoyed but should we really be taking that annoyance out on the poor sap who just happened to ask the wrong question?  That's me by the way...

I am fed up of being the scapegoat for other people's bad moods.  Watch out!  I'm going to fight back, I'm going to get those apples and you are just going to... going to... have a lot of crumbles to make.. or something.  Ok, ok, ok I admit it - I'm a lover not a fighter and I hate confrontation but come on guys, give the nice person a break yeah?  I don't deserve your bad mood anymore than your digestion does (think about it, you'll work it out).

Happy fawts please  :)

Monday 6 December 2010

The Power of the Flake

Can you believe that a little flake of frozen water can cause so much trouble?  Schools closed, roads impassable, work empty, public transport frozen to a stand still and yet it still looks so so so pretty... until you can't get the car off the drive and your hands get so cold covered in snow that they ache and ache and ache.

The worry of frozen pipes, blown up boilers and frostbite become a reality.  -12 in the morning.  -12!!  Jack Frost clearly has the last laugh.  But why does the flake slow us down so much?  What is it about the white stuff that we Brits just cannot cope with?  And why do so many people say they don't like it?  It looks so magical, so clean, so sparkly and so serene - snow makes everything quieter too.

A sad sign of the times is the lack of snowman and the huge swathes of virgin snow untouched by snowballs rolling or sleds sledding.  Seems a shame that we haven't bundled everyone up and sent them out to play - after all you can't go anywhere or do anything because the country has ground to a halt so you might as well have some fun!!

But the good thing about being snowed in is that opportunity to warm up with friends, help each other with the shovelling and be neighbourly pushing cars out of drives.  There is no need to feel guilty slurping hot chocolate and eating toast next to a roaring fire, after all tis the season :)