Sunday 26 February 2012

Interview Jitters

I have a second interview - which is awesome because since mid November last year this Grasshopper has been a little shy on the awesome job offers.  I just got to impress one more person.  But the thing is... I have nothing to wear.

Now I know most of you are now shaking heads and tutting and about to turn away from this startling female revelation but I mean it!  I wore my best interview clothes to the first interview - everything else I have is awful.  It's either so worn that the colour got washed out 10 washes ago or it's so casual and baggy due to the F.A.  This hopper defines the phrase 'Big Mamma Jamma'.  So what to do? What to do? 

I gotta go with the same trousers because they are the only smart ones that fit thanks to F.A.  I can change my shoes up but they are currently on a dodgy home-made fix because the elastic broke on one strap and I kinda McGuivered it back together which is fine when you are working at a place you don't want to be but when you are looking for a brand new shiny job?  Hmmmm.  Also the other shoe option, a.k.a the boots, is also a little tricksome.  They leak water and the faux leather has worn off the front and back and both heels are so worn through I think it's the actual soles of my feet that you can hear padding across the floor.  Yes, I am aware that my severe aversion to clothes shopping does somewhat hamper my professional style.  And yes, my awesome handbag is covered in worn to heck marks.

Tops is the key - I gave up wearing a blazer a looooooooong time ago because I refused to buy size huge plus the last place I worked was a tad on the casual side so long sleeved tops and cardis were fine.  The only problem is the cardi's saw their best side about 10 years ago and thanks to F.A the tops are not wearable without another layer of camouflage.  Should I just go for it and wear the same thing again?  I'm sure if I changed up the accessories no-one would know.  But I would.  And I have a feeling that my hopefully new boss would to, I think she has the eagle eye for details and is just like me in saying to others "Did you see such and such?  Gossip, judge, gossip, judge."  (But in a totally nice way)

So... like all things in the Grasshopper life I wait until the night before the big day to panic about the situation when it is nigh on impossible to find some kind of solution.  I expect to spend the evening trying on clothes, weeping copiously and then throwing all self control out of the window when the emotion-triggered F.A takes the wheel.  Fear not, dear blog-readers - I shall go flagellate and then regale you all with my woeful outcome after the big event.

And for those not in the know ........ My name is Grasshopper and I am a Food Addict (F.A)

Wednesday 22 February 2012

I don't like baths

Sitting in a bowl (essentially) of hot water leaves me rather unfulfilled.  I just don't do baths.  I mean obviously I have one when showers aren't available, let me be clear - I am a clean grasshopper.  I just don't get the supposed bliss a bath is meant to bring.

It takes forever to fill the tub but you can't go do something else in case you get absorbed and then you have overflow issues - never good.  Once you think you've got the temperature right I can guarantee that you will spend the next 10 minutes going cold a bit, hot a bit, cold a bit, hot a bit and when you finally do step into the bath it will still burn your feet off and cause you intense pain.  But you think no no, I've made it now it will be OK, let me just sit down because my touche is obviously less sensitive than my feet and if I burnt my feet to hell there is no way I'll burn anything else.....

Then there is the actual sitting in the bath.  With nothing to do.  Watching your unflattering areas bob.  Sigh.  You can't read in the bath because inevitably the book or magazine will get wet either when you go to pick it up, put it down or accidentally drop it.  You can't sleep in the bath - that leads to drownage.  Light some candles, take in the ambiance I've been told but frankly watching a candle flicker is almost as much fun as watching paint dry.  It's soothing and helps you relax they say - actually it hurts my back and a hot hot bath just makes me sweat.  I know right?  A great mental image.

Another wonderful downside of baths is the excruciating pain your dry skin gives you when you get into them day after day after day.  Now that really does burn.

Give me a shower any day of the week, they are fun and sexy - so much easier to entice in the shower than the bath, there's no issue with suction for one.  You can sing effectively in the shower.  They can be hot, fast and powerful and you can feel yourself feeling better from head to toe plus they are excellent for washing hair - with a bath it just takes additional rinsing and a jug and effort - it's a whole big thing.  I also hear that showers take less water than baths so yay for the environment AND lets be honest, who wants to sit in their own muck?

Saturday 18 February 2012

I don't get..

why the short skirt fashion has hems riding your ass

why bad food gives you a big happy

why I have nothing to do with lots of time to do it with

why I go up and up

why the fascination with the supernatural is gettimg lamer and lamer on TV

why good days

why bad days

why cliche after cliche after cliche after cliche

why why

Tuesday 7 February 2012

An empty path

Since Christmas my sole focus was the SFX Weekender and preparing my cosplay outfit with lots and lots of help from bean and many hours spent hunched over a sewing machine.  The weekender has been and gone, fun and car trouble was had and a long, long list of authors remain to be explored.  As a side note, I would just like to point out that despite they claim to cover science fiction and fantasy, most of the panels were built heavily on the science fiction side and the fantasy element was at best covered by vampires.  Not really what I would class as fantasy.  Moving on...

My calendar is empty.  My social butterfly has been firmly cocooned (not that it was ever particularly fluttery).  The number of upcoming events,  interviews, meetings, coffees, family gatherings etc is sitting at a rather empty 0.  Where do I put my focus now?  What point in the road map of life am I pointing towards?  I feel like I am adrift upon a vast calm sea in a giant leaf boat that sways me gently from side to side whilst the fishes stare at me from 100s of metres below the pea-green surface.  Heaven forbid a storm brews.  But charming allegory aside - I really do feel drifty.

I am not overly worried.  And believe me the natural state of the grasshopper is to be in a permanent state of anxiety.  The gentle tick of time and the rise and fall of the sunshine throughout the windows of the bubble assure me that hours roll by.  I potter, odd job and mooch through the day, picking up this, putting away that and suddenly realising that the heating has been off for 4 hours or so and by golly isn't it getting chilly in here?  I know that a new job should be filling me with hope and wonder but the glory of employment has thus far eluded me and I begin to imagine a life without the grind of a 9-5, perhaps a different kind of working will raise its glittery head and entice me.  I cannot believe that in this time of excess and everything you ever didn't think you needed that there isn't a small niche about the place for me.  I especially like the thought of one near the chimney where it is nice, toasty and warm and mayhap I can roast a marshmallow or three. 

Float on giant leaf upon that pea-green sea, beneath a twinkly sky as I watch to catch the falling star and find my signpost.