Tuesday 25 January 2011

Tempus Fugit

I have no concept of time, it has ceased to exist for me.  Instead it flees infront of my ever grasping fingers, tantalising me by tick tocking just out of reach and making the days disappear into oblivion.  I just need another 5 minutes, another half hour in bed, another few hours at work, an extra day at the weekend.  Time!  Time!  I need some, I wants some, I'd even buy some but there is no time anywhere to be found. 

I have decided to stop calling the days of the week by their name - it seems like a pointless exercise.  Each one shall now be known as 'day' without any prefix.  I don't actually even know which one I am on.  So why try and keep up with them when they are so determined to march past as quickly as they are able.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years - even decades have just blurred into nothingness.  My memory is shot, full of holes and the inability to discern between one moment in time and the other is quite worrying.  Vivid dreams and imagination fill the gaps with what could have been but there is no way of knowing for sure. 

I almost want the train wreck of life to stop and just let me take a moment.  Even when you are able to indulge in some time sooner or later life comes rocking and rolling back in, filling your head with I haven't done this, I need to do that, don't forget this, make sure you do that, now, now, now, hurry, hurry, hurry - there is no time to waste.  For time is fleeting and despite our best efforts to catch it, it slips through our fingers and rushes ever onwards.

What is there to show for this time spent?  Digitisation is a wonderful thing but how many of you last took pictures on a camera of an event with friends and family and then had those photos developed/printed, framed and hung?  I have huge chunks of life missing from my actual-virtual photo album.  I cease to exist.  Time has no measure of me.  And will there really be any virtual impression left?  Hmmm I think not.  I miss that time that has passed me by, I will strive to find my place within it again.

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