Tuesday 20 March 2012


I've just spent the past god knows what prepping for a big interview tomorrow.  I love the word prepping - it sounds so professional, like you actually know what you are doing and can achieve greatness by actually doing it.

My basic prepping involves visiting every page of the company's website and making grasshopper notes.  What this does is put facts into my brain and highlight items of interest that I can then bring up at interview.  I don't know why this technique works for me but it does - it requires one run through with paper and pen and then I don't need to look at the notes afterwards.  I usually manage to spring a surprising fact upon the interviewers - for instance why bother having an events page with only one event on it ...... the day you are closed.  That's not very positive promotion is it now?

My big bone of contention however is the rather 'loose' directions.  Very helpfully the site suggests that you check the train times because it only runs every 15 minutes and naturally that would have a detrimental effect on your journey.  I checked.  The train runs every 10 minutes.  Are they trying to give me a heart attack?  Additionally they provide a map.  Which is impossible to read or identify the smaller street names.  So we go to Google Maps because everyone knows Google is king.  The online directions state that it is a 5 minute walk from the station to the school.  Google Maps says 15 minutes.  Damn it!!  Now I have to leave even earlier than before.

The we invite you to interview email states that the first part of the programme (I know right?) is meeting the Principal at 8.30am.  So we have to be there by 8.15.  Whilst reading the website, there is a continual reference to how awesome the academy is because they strive for perfection and high standards.  I'm guessing arriving at 8.20am would be a little more than unacceptable.  So now my stress levels for journey planning with 'loose' directions is at an all time high.  And I have no money on my oyster card so I need to allow an additional 5 minutes at the station to put some moolah on.  So basically I am leaving the house at 10 to 7.  In the morning.  Which means waking around 6 for a shower and pathetic groom through.  Forget breakfast that is just not going to happen.  Which means grasshopper will begin to emit growly hungry noises during the crucial interview segment of the half day programme.

There are five of us, timetabled throughout the day.  So does that mean at some point we will be given a weapon and expected to fight for glory and victory?  I don't like it - it smacks of elitism and we all know that this grasshopper excels in mediocrity.  I've made my case for non-attendance and despite being given the green light to back out due to "unforeseen circumstances" I can't.  I'm too scared that my mum will yell at me.  I'm cornered into a corner.  I will just have to go with my broken-down boots and shabby chic (I wish) outfit and pretend that I am high-powered elitist grasshopper with drive to be the best ooh-rah!  Watch this space for my speech of defeat and in-depth explanations as to why it would never have worked out anyway.

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