Wednesday, 2 November 2011

The quiet calm

There is that moment of utter calm and peace you can achieve when you make a decision about your life.  It's the quietness before the storm, it's the utter clarity that you were looking for as you dithered over what to do? what to do? what to do?  It's the immediate relief that a choice has been made, a path laid out and direction to travel in.

That moment of calm overwhelms your senses; your breath deepens, your heart slows, your eyes droop and you long to curl up and relish this feeling of utter contentment yet life yammers in your ear.  The decision may be made but the actions have not yet been taken and lets face it - actions speak louder than thoughts, even shared ones.

And so to action - a plan of attack.  I know the when and the where, a little hazy on the who but I'm sure that will resolve itself.  I want it to be quiet and calm, to cut through the humdrum of the day like a hot knife through butter.  I almost don't want anyone to know so I can just disappear but I know that practicality won't allow that particular drama to unfold.  There are such things as handovers and training and such like.

What comes after the calm?  Well.... either glorious sunshine or tempestuous storms but hopefully nothing as dismal, grey and dreary as the present.  I would rather there be drama and fire and noise than the gloom, doom and indifference I have to currently endure.  The new year is often looked to as a new beginning but I want this one to be a closure, an end to the horrors of the past 5 years.  A definite bang as the door shuts, the books closes and the shutters shut.  I don't want new chapters.  I want a brand new tome.

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