I'm not sure I can contain myself to only three but I will do my best, I don't want to come across as a grumpy curmudgeon.
One - Chuggers and their counterparts that don't work for charities. I understand the importance of charities and the great work they achieve, I realise that in order to complete that work they require donations and I applaud the philanthropist attitude of mankind that enjoys donating to worthy causes. However, I do not appreciate being chugged repeatedly every time I leave my house. There is a small shopping centre in my town which houses a pound shop, seventeen different mobile phone shops, ethnic barbers, multiple handbag and shoe shops, a wig shop and one or two other oddities. It is quite possible to get stopped up to four times as you enter the shopping centre by a variety of different chuggers. Usually ridiculously bubbly individuals with catchy little pick up lines and manic grins made of coffee and high sugar levels. They survive on Tangfastics.
"Looking good there super mum - can I just have a minute of your time?"
"You have a beautiful smile. Come and have a chat with me about <INSERT CHARITY>"
"Good morning Madam, do you know what your credit score is?"
"Whose your broadband provider?"
"Lyca mobile! Lyca mobile!"To all I smile politely and shake my head as all attempts at appearing as unobtrusive as possible never work. Then when I have finished my journey into the bowels of mediocrity, I turn and am bombarded by the same people AGAIN. Who have all apparently forgotten that five minutes ago I said no. I maintain my calm exterior and refuse to give in to my inner self who wants to retort angrily. Possibly with some level of violence.
I do not wish to be spoken to by a stranger in the middle of the street. I certainly don't want to indulge in any kind of personal small talk about my appearance, child or type of shopping bags I'm carrying. I want to enjoy walking in peace. If you ask me again I may be forced to kneecap you. Thankfully our landline doesn't work so we aren't bothered with cold callers. Junk mail is easily binned and the least offensive intruder. But don't get me started on the door knockers. Politeness only stretches so far.
Two - People who ask you a question but don't really care about the answer and either don't listen or talk over you. If you don't want to talk then don't speak. I am quite content to sit in comfortable or uncomfortable silence. I own a brain and an extensive imagination, plus I usually have a book about my person and so forced human conversation is not necessary.
This is why I often choose not to contribute at social gatherings. Sadly I have lost count of the number of times I have answered a question and realised that no-one is listening so I just trail off into nothingness. Either I am an incredibly boring individual - a possibility - or the other person is so far up their arse that they can't hear anything else. There may be some kind of middle ground. So until I find out whether you are actually interested in what I have to say I won't say anything. Potentially there is a flaw in that plan but at least it means everyone thinks I am the quiet one and I get to go home early.
Three - When you are sat in a chair reading and someone comes up to you and says 'What you doing?'. Seriously? Are you that stupid? I used to answer with some incredible sarcastic response which would result in extensive hurt feelings so now I tend to just ignore the question completely. Usually they go away. After all I can't stand on my head and whistle God Save The Queen while you are bothering me with silly questions can I?
Oh, and this.
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