Inner thoughts

I''m alone with my thoughts this evening.  Usually this involves complex inner monologues of witty banter and supreme intellect which I desperately try to cling to in order to blog with ease however this week my scattered thoughts turn to sadness and bravery.

Every week is a marathon to someone.  Every week someone climbs a mountain.  Every week someone achieves the impossible and quite often no-one ever knows about it.  The beginning of this week was possibly the most exciting beginning I have ever experienced.  I found out I was pregnant.  With the tick tock ticking of my grasshopper clock murmuring in my ears I am very conscious of the rapid march of time and the need to bring small ones into the happy nest.  Imagine my delight.  Imagine if you will the utter joy and the tears of happiness at such wonderful news.

Track forwards a few days and hear the words early miscarriage.  Imagine my grief.  Imagine the tears that wouldn't stop and the heart that broke.  It was just not meant to be.  I understand that perhaps this is not the stuff of blogs and perhaps these things should be left to the privacy of our innermost thoughts but sometimes not sharing those thoughts can weigh heavily on the mind.  Perhaps this is the time to stand up and say here is the mountain I tumbled down this week.  For are we not a social animal, do we not grow in the love and care of others?  Can we not then share our lows and our highs and ride through the deepest, darkest depths with our fellow grasshoppers.

There is one thing you can always be sure of.  Bad news weeds out the great friends.  It is often after bad news hits that you know who will stand by you and hold your hand and just breathe with you.  It is times of great sadness that you know you are loved.  The silent strength and support I had from my beloved this week was such a comfort.  I know I am loved but now I know I am loved.   The bravery is to pick myself up, dust myself down and carry on.  To go to work ignoring the petty small mindedness of ignorant colleagues and to thank my stars every day for those I love and who love me.  To support my family during hard times ahead with new and recurrent health problems and to be their strength when sadness threatens to overwhelm them.  We must continue down this road of life in spite of pitfalls and darkness that may block our way, safe in the knowledge that with your hand in mine, everything will be alright.