Big sigh of relief

Ahhhhhhh! I've never been very good at keeping secrets especially when it's something really good and exciting so I am so pleased to be able to shout to the world - I'm with child! Or as the dearly beloved put it, I have a growth. Not my favourite description but who cares, I bunned the oven.

We went to the first scan with me under the most tension I've ever had in my life. I was so insanely nervous that there wouldn't be anything there or there would be something wrong or they wouldn't be able to find it or, or, or, or. I think you get the idea. I got the letter with the date of the scan 3 weeks before I had to go and I don't think I've ever been so nervous waiting for something. What made it worse was not being able to tell everyone, we didn't want to jinx anything. I barely slept, had terrible nightmares and completely trashed my digestive system. Thank you stress-related IBS.

I have never seen anything so magical in all my life. Of course I cried but I managed to hold it together and just had one or two tears escape one eye whilst being glued to the screen. It was like entering a sacred space as the ultrasound gradually revealed a tiny baby shape nestled inside me. I instantly grabbed dearly beloved's hand and possibly crushed the life out of it. And then Gus moved. Legs were kicking, arms waving and then it looked like he (for the sake of ease we'll use he although we have no idea) had hiccups as he kept jumping up and then settling back down again. He was so active, it was just amazing and really brings home the miracle of life that this little 9.6cm person is existing within me. I could have stared at that screen all day and I cannot wait to see him on screen again in March.