How to write a eulogy

Stare for a very long time at a blank piece of paper.

Put it off for a few days.

Go for a walk to collect your thoughts.

Make a cup of tea.

Call your mum, boyfriend, sister, friend - anyone you can get hold of.

Twiddle.

Cry.

Put it off for a few days.

Panic.

Actually do some work at work.

Go out.

Stay in.

Read a book.

Watch a film.

Tap a pen thoughtfully against your teeth.

Sigh.

Sob.

Write something.

Cross it out.

Google-fu.

Ponder.

Make another cup of tea.

Write your blog.