Sunday, 15 April 2018

10 Ways to Wake Your Baby Naturally

As every parent knows, you should never wake a sleeping baby - it's one of THOSE rules. But sometimes you have to so here is a list of ten ways to naturally wake your child.

1, Make a cup of tea
It's actually illegal for parents to have a hot cup of tea. Its one of the reasons why the microwave was invented so that cold tea could be endlessly reheated. Should you decide to boil the kettle or even worse, place a tea bag and milk into a cup, your baby will wake up. Do not be fooled if they seem not to stir at first, the moment you add that hot water, they will awaken.

2. Sit down
This is an early right that parents lose. No chair for you, you can, however, sit on the floor and it is more than likely once your bum becomes numb and your legs stop working that your child will at last fall asleep but don't even think about sitting more comfortably. The babe will wake. And if you should decide to sit down once said child is snoozing on your shoulder you will be sorely disappointed.

3. Go to the toilet
The instant you sit down, your baby will cry. So learn to pee fast yet accurately.

4. Have a shower
Babies care little for personal hygiene. To them you smell wonderful all the time, you are after all their beloved parent. They can't see how lank and greasy your hair is, maybe it's always looked that way. A shower is the ultimate parental indulgence and quite rightly shouldn't be allowed.

5. Open a book or magazine
A cardinal sin this one. It is forbidden to show interest in anything that isn't a) your child or b) a non-child book. You can forget your dreams of reading novels during your maternity leave. It just isn't going to happen.

6. Turn the TV on
Should your child fall asleep, be aware that they have ultra sensitive hearing and if you should decide to risk number two and heavens above add in turning on the TV you are making a rod for your own back. Parents are forbidden to watch their own shows except very occasionally for short bursts when they themselves are so tired they don't even know what day it is.

7. Try and have something to eat
The baby's asleep so now you can look after yourself. That's what all the books say right? Forget it! There will be no extensive meal planning, adherence to any healthy eating regime or even food of any temperature. The best you can hope for is biscuits, chocolate and the occasional slice of toast rammed down your neck before the baby wakes up however when the little darling reaches the weaning stage you'll lose that as well. 

8. Make a phone call
It's impossible to make a phone call when your baby is awake but if you wish to wake your baby then go right ahead and make that call. Who needs to talk these days anyway?

9. Close your eyes & relax
They sleep, you sleep. Wrong! Don't even try it. The moment your eyelids meet your baby will wake. Some say it's a magical sixth sense, but whatever it is, they know and they will wake. Relaxation is not only for the weak, it is also banned to parents. For at least 18 years.

10. Do something with your other child
If you're fortunate enough to have more than one child first let me say mazel tov! And then I'll allow you to weep quietly in the corner because if your baby is asleep and you try to do something with your other child (children) your baby will wake. Also if you're lucky enough to do something with one child before your baby wakes up, do not be fooled into thinking you'll be able to do anything for yourself. It doesn't happen. Ever.

So there you have it, ten ways to wake your baby naturally. Best of luck!

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