My morning usually begins in the early hours when a small person comes pitter patter down the hallway and bangs the bedroom door open. He stands next to me and puts a little cold hand on my arm. I sweep him into bed whilst trying to check the mobile to see what the time is. If it's before 5am, which it undoubtedly is, a brief cuddle ensues as the wee monster usually falls asleep instantly. He is then scooped with love and deposited back in his own bed. If it happens to be after 5am, which is usually the second early morning visit, he is swept in and snuggled until I physically cannot restrain him any longer and he gets up. This is usually between 6-7am. We once slept in until 7.38. It was amazing.
I lay in a semi-doze fugue listening to the various crashes and bashes from the front room and send silent apologies to our downstairs neighbours. Although it's not my fault they have their bedrooms where we have our front room. Eventually (actually time frame is a couple of minutes but it feels like an age) I heave myself out of bed and stumble to the toilet. Then I clatter back into the bedroom and unplug my phone, ipad and grab my latest book. You can never have too many wishful thoughts. These are deposited in the kitchen with gate carefully closed while I clatter back into the bedroom and retrieve nappy, wipe and bum cream. The items cannot be left within arms reach of the child. Ever.
After bum changing and inevitably getting dressed at stupid o'clock due to a leaky nappy, I ask the very important question. 'What would you like?' Current favourite is Mickey Mouse Club House DVD but we have cycled through three Peppa Pigs and an Upsy Daisy one. Once the incredibly loud and psychedelic DVD is playing the kettle goes on. At this point I may weep quietly in the kitchen depending on how tired I feel. Sometimes I get to drink my cup of tea. Sometimes.
We then move on to the demands of bisfest. This can either run very smoothly or be a sleep deprived nightmare, depends on the previous night. It can be very difficult to accurately pour cereal and milk if you can't actually remember what the function of your limbs are. Bisfest is eaten in high spirits whilst I continue to nurse the cup of tea. Sometimes I get to drink my cup of tea. Sometimes.
After bisfest we have CBeebies and in theory this is the optimum time of day for me to work out. This can either run very smoothly or be a sleep deprived nightmare, depends on the previous night. It can be very difficult to find any kind of motivation when you can't actually be bothered to breathe. Once the workout has either been successfully knocked out of the park or sheepishly swept under the rug it is time to decide whether to run the shower gauntlet. If I take too long the entire front room could be swallowed by lego, everything not meant to be touched moved and a small person standing on the dining room table looking rather pleased with himself. If I make too much of the fact that I am trying to have a shower then small person will try to join in which results in the horrific wet skin shower curtain duel to the death and a soaking wet right arm of small child.
I do eventually manage to get washed and dressed. Occasionally I remember to brush my teeth and apply lipstick - usually in the wrong order. Next up is Mummy's bisfest. This can either run very smooethly or be a sleep deprived nightmare, depends on the previous night. It can be very difficult to decide what to have for breakfast when your brain has ceased to function. A small person will demand their fair share of whatever is eventually decided upon, especially if it something they wouldn't eat themselves. That's usually when they'll take more than half. Sometimes I get to drink my cup of tea. Sometimes.